Bringing Back the Art of Conversation
Lately, I’ve noticed something when I’m in a new setting—whether it’s a conference, a community event, or even a casual gathering—I instinctively look for someone to connect with. Just one person to make the unfamiliar feel a little more comfortable. I start simple: “What’s your name?” “Where do you work?” Then, I gently dig for that common thread—maybe a book we’ve both read, a mutual hometown, or similar travel experiences. Usually, something clicks, and we build from there.
But more and more often, I find myself running into conversational dead ends. I’ll ask a question, the person will answer...and then talk only about themselves. And then—full stop. No return question, no “What about you?” Just...silence. Or worse, they keep talking without even noticing I haven’t spoken in a while.
Is it just me? Do I not know how to converse?
But I do; talking to people is something I’m good at. I can usually turn a quick chat into a new friendship. Recently though, I’ve noticed conversations feeling flat. So, I’m on a mission to change that. Let’s skip the “Crazy weather we’re having!” questions and get to the good stuff. I want to get to know you, and I hope you’ll want to get to know me too.
I truly believe we’re only a few good questions away from discovering meaningful connections—ones that can broaden our networks, deepen our empathy, and even spark friendships.
At Springbach, we prioritize this kind of connection. Each week, our team has an icebreaker, and the same goes for my project teams. Some people might think, “Why bother? Don’t we already know each other well enough?” But the truth is, the more we share, the more we build trust, respect, and safety. And frankly, we just have more fun together.
So how do you strike up real conversation without being slimy or awkward—especially at a networking event? Here are a few of my favorite go-to, two-person icebreakers when I’m looking for a common thread:
“Where are you from?” It’s a great entry point and I’ve usually visited, met someone from there, or at least heard something interesting about it.
“How long have you worked there?” This often opens the door to hearing someone’s career journey, which can reveal a lot more than just titles and tenure.
“Did anything cool happen to you today?” It’s unexpected, and that’s kind of the magic. It opens the door to everyday wins—maybe they got great coffee or had a funny kid moment. Either way, it shifts the tone from formal to human. I usually save this for a 2nd or 3rd question.
“What’s something you're working on right now that excites you?” This question gently nudges people away from job titles and toward passion. Whether it’s a work project, side hustle, or even a home renovation, you’ll quickly learn what lights them up, and that energy is contagious.
“What’s a place you’ve been that you think everyone should visit at least once?” Travel is a rich topic that’s rarely one-sided. Even if you haven’t been to the same places, you can connect over destinations, dream trips, or just the idea of adventure.
“What’s the last thing you watched or read that stuck with you?” People love to talk about what moved them, especially when it’s a good book, movie, or show. Bonus: you walk away with a solid recommendation. This is one of my favorites, I love talking books and shows!
I steer clear of quick dead-ends like “How’s the weather?” or “How are you doing?” unless I’m ready to follow up in a meaningful way. I’ve found that most people have had interesting twists and turns in their careers, so I let curiosity lead.
The tricky part? Getting the other person to play along. It’s hard when the conversation feels one-sided. That’s where the real art comes in: listening intently, looking for natural pauses, and gently nudging the conversation into a space where both people feel seen and heard.
I’m still learning. But I know this: the more we practice meaningful connection, the better we get. Let’s bring conversation back—not the small talk, but the kind that actually connects us.
TED has a video on this topic too. Check out this video for some actionable tips on ways to have a better conversation.
